How to Ask Someone if They’re Pregnant (14 Polite Ways)

How do you ask a grown woman if she’s pregnant? It is probably straightforward for some people but it isn’t for everyone. To many people, it is very intrusive and they don’t want to hear you talking about it.

 

Or is it a young woman who probably isn’t married and is not expected to get pregnant? That is not a question. You know there are some questions you don’t have to ask.

There are some pieces of information you don’t need to have. However, there is usually that curiosity that needs to be satisfied.

If you find yourself in that situation where your mind keeps telling you to ask a woman if she’s pregnant, this article is for you.

Some pregnant women will not appreciate any innuendos that refer to their pregnancy, especially in the early days. However, below is a list of the best ways to go about it.

How To Talk To Pregnant People: 10 Dos And Don’ts

1. Don’t ask if they are pregnant

Okay, I’ve broken this one with good friends who I know are trying – it’s so exciting! But in general, if you run into someone and they look a little big around the tummy or are declining drinks, sit with your curiosity and wait for them to tell you when they’re ready. There’s many reasons someone might not be ready to share the news – they might be waiting on results of genetic screening, or feel ambivalent about the pregnancy – or maybe just gained some weight! DO exercise patience and wait for their announcement.

2. Don’t comment on their appearance in detail

Saying “You look small”, “You look big”, “You’re starting to show”, “You’ve gained a lot of weight”, “You’re carrying high”, “You look like you’re about to pop” or “Do you have twins” often creates worry for the pregnant person and make them question the normalcy of their pregnancy. These are all unwelcome comments people have said to my clients. DO simply say “You look wonderful”.

3. Don’t give unsolicited advice

What worked for you or someone you know is not the solution for everyone. Also, when someone is really struggling with an ailment or discomfort, physical or otherwise, hearing your advice (that they’ve probably already tried, along with a zillion other things) is usually just frustrating. Remember that you’re not their care provider! DO trust that if someone wants advice, they will ask for it, or ask if they want advice before you give it and be willing to accept a “No”.

4. Don’t tell them your traumatic pregnancy or birth experience

Sharing negative experiences can heighten and compound any fear that may exist for them and is usually harmful. I counsel my clients to respond to the beginning of such stories with “I care about you and I want to hear your story but I need to take a raincheck until after the birth because I’m trying to keep things positive”. Don’t take it personally. DO find support for processing your own trauma with a therapist, others with a similar experience, and/or friends.

5. Don’t touch their belly without permission

I am shocked by the number of stories I still hear from my clients about people (and strangers!) feeling entitled to touch their pregnant bellies without even asking. Be judicious with who you ask – a stranger probably doesn’t want your hands on them and may feel obligated to say yes out of social nicety. DO express your appreciative joy at the new life they are bringing into the world.

6. Don’t ask if they’ve had the baby or are in labor yet

You can ask if they want to go see a movie, or if there’s anything they need, but the constant checking in only adds to any anxiety they might have about when the baby will come. The number one complaint I hear from clients who go past their due date is how much they are pestered by family and friends. They will tell you if they’ve had the baby when they are ready! DO give them space at the end of their pregnancy, except invitations for fun or offers of help.

7. Don’t comment on their eating or other prenatal choices

Again, you’re not their care provider, and it’s not your job to monitor or even note their food, beverage, or other life choices. Pregnant people are often judged for what they put into their bodies and how they exercise, sleep, etc. You can’t possibly know what is healthiest or best for them and their baby. DO approach their choices with curiosity and a willingness to learn if invited to listen.

8. Don’t assume that someone isn’t pregnant or is in good health

In the Bay, I have clients who have to take the subway regularly in early pregnancy and need a seat at that stage more than in mid-pregnancy when they may be feeling great. If someone asks for your seat on public transportation, unless you need it yourself, give it to them. There are also many auto-immune and other conditions that could cause someone to feel unwell even though they look healthy. DO act generously towards everyone, and keep in mind that someone could be pregnant even if you can’t see a baby bump.

9. Don’t ask if it’s a boy or a girl

If they have found out the sex of the baby, they will usually share it happily on their own if it is not a secret. If they haven’t found out, or don’t want to gender their baby, that question can be annoying. If you want to get them baby gear, buy something gender neutral. DO act excited to love on their baby no matter what.

10. Don’t ask closed questions that make assumptions

If you’re trying to connect, asking, “Are you excited for the birth” or “Are you scared” closes off avenues for them to share the full complexity and nuance of their emotional world. They may feel both excited and scared (and many other things as well) but you’re less likely to find out when you ask a leading question. DO ask open ended questions like “how are you feeling about the birth?” and genuinely be interested in hearing their answers.

14 Ways to Ask Someone If They Are Pregnant Without Being Rude

1. Are you expecting?
2. Is that a bump?
3. Did you eat a baby?
4. Pardon me. Are you pregnant?
5. Please, tell me your belly is growing a baby.
6. I’ll be glad to know your husband scored. Innit?
   
7. Forgive me for intruding. Are we having a baby?
8. Do you have kids?
9. I dreamt you were having a baby. Are you?
10. I’m not a seer but I see you holding a baby soon. Doubt it?
    
11. Only pregnant women appear so beautiful in the morning. Am I wrong?
    
12. Are you planning to have kids soon?
13. Are you just full or do I see a baby in there?
14. I see symptoms of pregnancy. Do you?

 Are you expecting?

This sounds very direct. It is not the best way to approach a pregnant woman on this list but it is still a good option. Instead of asking her if she’s pregnant, you can use a different word for it.

Still, some pregnant women will feel embarrassed to be caught early. In many cases, a pregnant woman wants certain people to know about it first.

They prefer to be the ones to spread the news. Some even plan to keep it a secret so they only stay around during the early stage of the pregnancy. In that case, asking about it is not a good idea. Knowing about it at all is not appreciated.

However, if the pregnant woman doesn’t plan to keep her pregnancy a secret from people, she will be perfectly fine with this question. You should ask this question privately and with a persuasive smile.

Is that a bump?

This sounds as direct as the option above. However, it may even be more shocking. In its literal form, it is quite indirect but it refers directly to the woman’s pregnancy.

The question starts off like a normal question about something unserious till it gets to Bump. The pregnant woman may be shocked to hear the question so it is good to make it private and silent, in case she plans to keep it a secret.

If she doesn’t plan to keep it from people, she will most likely smile widely and tell you directly.

If she plans to keep it a secret, she will hesitate to respond. However, within the period of hesitating, it becomes very obvious that she is trying to hide it.

She won’t be appreciating the fact that she got exposed early. In that case, no style of approach is advisable but she will be okay, as long as the question is asked privately and not abruptly.

Did you eat a baby?

This is one of the best ways to go about it. It is very indirect and you get to know if the woman is willing to let anyone know about her pregnancy or not.

Instead of asking abruptly and intruding on her privacy, this question serves as a reminder that she is yet to make her pregnancy publicly known.

When you ask if she ate a baby, you will make her laugh first before she understands the question. If she is not pregnant, there is a high chance that she will ask what you mean by the question. She will probably understand the innuendo.

Then, she’ll tell you she’s not pregnant. If she is pregnant, she will get the idea of opening up to you.

It is advisable to ask her privately and silently. That way, she can choose to open up to you while keeping it a secret from others. She could also choose to lie to you and give an excuse about her growing belly.

The joke’s Implicit meaning stands to inspire the idea of pregnancy and a full stomach so you ask about her growing stomach without suggesting that you think she’s pregnant. However, she would realize that her growing stomach is obvious.

Pardon me. Are you pregnant?

This is another direct way to ask the question. Simply asking a woman if she’s pregnant may spark a reaction in her head, especially if she intended to keep it from you or other people.

It gives the idea that her pregnancy is obvious and she may not be able to keep it from certain people as she intended.  She could also be planning to tell people herself.

In other cases, the woman may think it is not your business and she will be annoyed with you for asking the question. However, the addition of Pardon Me can reduce the embarrassment.

Saying that will tell the woman that you know you are intruding on a person’s private life and you are sorry for asking the question.

Doing it privately will help her to forgive you more quickly and answer you honestly. If she intends to keep it from others, she will tell you.

Please, tell me your belly is growing a baby

This is another joke but it is quite direct. If you do not make this statement private and silent, the woman may not be happy about it, especially if she intended to keep it from others.

When you make this statement, you are telling the woman that you can see signs of pregnancy in her. In other words, she may not be able to keep it a secret. Saying it publicly can ruin her day and she will probably not smile at you for a long time.

However, if she doesn’t intend to keep her pregnancy a secret, this joke will be taken lightly and she will answer honestly.

If you suspect that she is keeping her pregnancy from people, it is better to not refer to it at all. You have to get rid of that curiosity.

I’ll be glad to know your husband scored. Innit?

This may not be the best option on my list. It may turn out horrible if the woman doesn’t understand the statement quickly. However, if she does, it is a funny one and you will probably get her to talk about her pregnancy.

This can even be more horrible if you don’t know her husband. It is advisable to only say this if you know the woman very closely.

By saying this, you are directly referring to the idea of her being pregnant and how happy you would feel about it.

If she’s not pregnant, she may say something else. If she’s pregnant, there is a high chance she will let you know.

However, if she intends to keep it a secret, she will most likely get embarrassed or even insult you for intruding.

Forgive me for intruding. Are we having a baby?

This is another direct way to ask the question but it is better than some options on this list. You are directly asking the woman if she’s pregnant.

She could be happy that you were able to figure it out. She could also be unhappy that she couldn’t keep it a secret if she had intended to do that.

She could be unhappy that she was unable to keep it as a surprise. She could also be angry that you are not supposed to know about it.

However, by saying this, you are acknowledging that it is not your business and you are sorry for intruding.

She will most likely forgive you for intruding, then she will give you an answer. Whichever answer comes to you, it is best to believe it and push your curiosity aside.

Do you have kids?

Do you want to ask a woman if she’s pregnant without asking directly? Firstly, if it is not your business, it is better to not make it your business.

One of the best ways to ask is to make a similar suggestion and hope she mentions an answer to the question you have in mind.

Asking a woman if she has kids can make her tell you if she’s expecting a baby. There is a high chance you won’t be getting the answer you want which is to know if she is pregnant or not.

However, asking this question will instill the idea of telling you about her pregnancy. If she is pregnant, she will consider if she wants you to know or not. If she doesn’t want you to know, accept whatever answer she gives you.

I dreamt you were having a baby. Are you?

This is another way to ask the question as a joke. There is a high chance that she will believe you are seeing the signs. It is important to make her believe it is just a dream.

This joke will instill the idea of opening up to you about her pregnancy. However, she still has the choice of telling the truth or denying it.

The best part about choosing this approach is she doesn’t have to feel embarrassed even if she plans to hide her pregnancy. As long as she believes you just had a dream, she can simply lie about it and feel okay.

There is a high chance she will be honest with you. Afterward, you can talk about the signs you noticed.

I am not a seer but I see you holding a baby soon. Doubt it?

This is not a question but it is a very good approach. Just like some of the options discussed earlier, this instills the idea of opening up about her pregnancy.

If she is truly pregnant and not willing to hide it, she will most likely smile and tell you about her pregnancy. If she isn’t pregnant, she will most likely joke about it. If she is not willing to let you know, she may ignore it or play along with the joke.

As long as you don’t appear too serious about it, you won’t appear rude and you won’t get embarrassed. If she lies about her pregnancy, accept it as the truth and forget about it.

Only pregnant women appear so beautiful in the morning. Am I wrong?

This is one of the best ways to ask a woman if she’s pregnant. It is a joke that focuses more on the woman’s beauty while stylishly instilling the idea of telling you about her pregnancy.

If she is interested in telling you, there is a high chance that she will confirm her pregnancy status or ask how you figured it out.

It is advisable to continue teasing about her beauty after making this statement. If she is unwilling to tell you about her pregnancy, she won’t realize that you already suspect it. That way, you won’t appear nosy.

Are you planning to have kids soon?

This is a bit direct but it doesn’t ask about pregnancy. It is advisable to ask this question without suggesting pregnancy in any way. Focus more on the idea of children and she will probably talk about her pregnancy status.

If she doesn’t mention anything about her pregnancy, there is a high chance she is planning to keep it from everyone.

I see symptoms of pregnancy. Do you?

Some people can be very evasive so the idea of making indirect suggestions and expecting her to open up may not work. If you really want to be nosy without appearing too rude, you may just ask and apologize for asking.

You will appear intrusive at first. Then, asking for forgiveness may work fine. There is a high chance she will open up to you, as long as she doesn’t plan to hide it or get rid of it.

Are you just full or do I see a baby in there?

This suggests that the only sign you see in her is a bump. She can easily deny it, though you will still appear nosy to her. The first part of the question makes it easier for her to lie to you.

Not every woman will take this lightly, however. If she is not pregnant, she may not like the idea of you commenting on her belly like that.

Conclusion

It is not advisable to ask a pregnant woman anything about her pregnancy unless she tells you about it first. You have to understand that you are being nosy unless it is important for you to know.

However, if you must ask, you have the best ways to approach the woman in the list above.

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